ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
