he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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