My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
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