My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
