I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
