Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
