pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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