I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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