hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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