I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize