My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
