Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She announced her abortion via fbk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
