i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
