Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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