yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
