Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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