I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
