Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
