Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
