oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
