I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
