We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
