Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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