I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
