the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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