addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
