Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
