I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You pole danced in your parka.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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