we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Randomize
