...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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