you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
