he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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