Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is Oprah even human
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You've changed since you got that strap on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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