I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
