I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
