Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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