if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
