I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
