apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
