It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I just put wine in my tea
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
