"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
