Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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