it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
