we have officially lost it.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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