Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
