Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
