Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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