are you still at the devil's house?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm passing your future prison.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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