ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
