then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize