You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
