yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
