drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
