I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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