I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
