weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
