Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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