I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
