Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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