It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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