if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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