the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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