I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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