We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
