i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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