perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
