Your dad touched me again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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