and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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