Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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